In Memory

Four years ago today I went to the local hospital for an ultrasound. Two weeks before, I had had one, to see what was causing the symptoms I was experiencing at 6 weeks with this pregnancy. As the technician moved the wand around, she didn’t say anything, and I couldn’t identify anything on the screen. Then, she pointed out a heartbeat, and I was delighted to know there was life. Then, she moved the wand and said, “There’s another, and another.” My immediate thought was, “How many more heartbeats will she pull out of the corners?” Then, I realized, “Oh. There are three babies! What?!”

The triplets all shared a placenta. That meant a very complicated pregnancy, with potential for major issues. My midwife would have to turn me over to the care of a specialist in Christchurch, which is a four-hour drive away. I went home in a daze, and hardly slept that night, thinking about how life would be changing if the babies lived. They didn’t. Two weeks later, we went for a follow-up scan, and all three heartbeats had stopped. The following picture is all that we have of them. The arrows point to the tiny circles that were babies.

While I am remembering the triplets and their brief lives (and wondering what life would have been like had they lived–imagine three 2-year-olds in our small house!), I also think about all the other babies we never got to meet. One of my sisters gave me a special gift a couple of years ago, a package of tiny baby booties. There was one for each of the babies that never took a breath. I won’t name my sister, but if you see this, you’ll know it was you. Thank you! I glued them to this card along with the note she wrote, and hung it in my bedroom where I can see it every day. I only named a few of them; we did not know the gender of any except Ruthie–the hospital did genetic testing and we learned from that that the baby was a girl. And yes, my last miscarriage was twins. They didn’t live long enough to ever have heartbeats, though.

Every baby that is conceived is a living soul. Every one is known and loved by God, and every one is precious to us